My brother is known to most of my friends as the ‘anti-Clinton’; it is a nick name that has stuck so well, that I get blank looks whenever I refer to him by the name my parents gave him. The nickname works because of one simple fact – he is pretty much the polar opposite to myself; for starters he still has hair on his head. And aside from sharing similar tastes in books, film and music, he is pretty much the opposite to myself.
 
For example, the anti-Clinton is sporty, while I am an unco and a danger to myself and others with any sort of bat or ball combination. In fact, I am pretty sure the court ruling and the AUO (Apprehended Unco Order) is going to be upheld, and I won’t be permitted to be on a playing field for any sport without risking being repeatedly towel snapped by the other players.

Now while I am nerdy; in true ‘anti-Clinton’ fashion, my brother is most definitely not. He is cool - not only has he been to Japan for 6-months to teach Engrish, he is travelling around Northern America by himself with the ultimate career goal of strapping a keg of beer to his back and getting the punters hammered at a local baseball stadium in Toronto.

I am telling you, he is some sort of Australian Fonzie. He got me this wicked gift from Mexico: a Mexican wrestling mask. I donned the mask straight away and instantly thought that maybe my brother had somehow got his hands on an artefact of local Mexican lore; a mask that while worn would improve my wrestling skills ten, no twenty fold. My senses seemed sharpened, and my arms more powerful…

The illusion was shattered as Meech quickly wrestled me to the floor. Hey, hey. Hey! I thought we already established the fact that I was not exactly the most coordinated individual on the planet? Don’t go judging me like that, she caught me unawares alright!

Now, getting me a mask makes him cool in my eyes, but you are probably thinking: Getting a Mexican wrestling mask as a gift isn’t cool, that is just nice! Ahhh, but you see… the story behind how he obtained the mask is what makes him cool - on his day trip down to Mexico he had to bribe a cop.

Went down to Mexico (Tijuana) for the day with some of the girls that I was staying with - I thoroughly enjoyed myself, the girls however will tell a different story… After crossing the border (without managing to check if my visa allowed me to get back into the States), we turned right, turned right again and was met by a frantic Mexican "Transito" (Traffic cop) waiving his hands frantically at us. Turns out that we were going the wrong way down a one way street.

Now, despite the fact that I wasn’t driving, and that it wasn’t my car - the cop wanted to speak to me because I was The Man. They wanted us to follow them to the police station to pay the judge or something. Melissa then put her head out the car window and asked if we could pay them directly - after telling Melissa to stay in the car (because men were talking about manly things ), he told us that this was ok. What we had to do was put $100usd in amongst some insurance papers and drop it into his window.

- Email excerpt from the anti-Clinton (12th April 2007)

 
See what I mean? He is the total opposite to me, he is cool, he is my brother and his name is Shaun.